It’s been a long time since I updated, various circumstances kept me from making progress on my draft for the longest time.  Wordpress has gone through various glitches and upgrades that have mutilated my draft and repeatedly lost my layout so this post will be barebones because my formatting still disappears everytime I try to save.

Normally I’ll tinker around with WordPress until I force it into submission but add to that the fact that I now work during the time that I previously blogged and it’s harder to sit down and properly tinker or allow inspiration to flow….

A lot has happened in this time that would take me too long to write and would further delay a post so instead I’ll summarize it by saying, one night Shammy went to sleep a baby and woke up a toddler the next morning.

He is just a couple of weeks away from turning 1 year and he is already asserting his independence, testing boundaries and more.  Plus we now have the amusing acrobatics while breastfeeding and requests to breastfeed his toys.

In the time since my last post Shammy got his first couple of teeth and a few weeks later Shammy got officially sick needing his first trip to the doctor (outside well visits) and prescription.  Thankfully he is all recovered now and back to his smiling self.  I credit breastfeeding with his speedy recovery as when he stopped eating he would still nurse and when he refused pedialyte at the ER the doctor didn’t push it further because he saw him breastfeeding (the look that I got when they found that that he still breastfed at 10 months was something else altogether, lol).

My boobs have gradually adjusted to not pumping at work, the first day I gave myself a plugged duct complete with a milk blister that took Shammy a couple of days to work out but it has been getting better since then.  I am really enjoying my job although the office days are draining because of the massive amounts of driving that I have to do.  I have been out of training for almost 2 months and I feel like I am making a difference with moms and babies but sometimes it’s an uphill battle with my higher ups as they seem to be very pro-breastfeeding but anti-breast, if they could have a baby breastfeed through a shirt they probably would.  That is all that I will say on that matter.

Because of my job I have been really inspired and interested in becoming a CLE (Certified Lactation Consultant) but I would have to suddenly find myself with $700 that could only be used for education and not for one of my many bills to get the training for that, IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) would be a better  thing to pursue but that one feels very unrealistic, at least for now.

I have found a breastfeeding friendly bathing suit almost by accident.  I had a gift card and decided that a new bathing suit was in order, my bikinis still fit but I now find that the elastic in the bottom sits right on my scar making them rather uncomfortable so I bought my first one piece in over 20 years, it’s got a very plunging neckline for easy access, I have no idea when I’ll wear it for the first time.  Looking at it, it completely fits the criteria given by magazines as the bathing suit for a postpartum body, lol.  And that’s how I added yet another item to my “you know you are a breastfeeding mom when…” list, when you evaluate the merits of clothing based on ease of boob access.

I have been entertained planning Shammy’s first birthday party.  It has turned out to be a much smaller affair than originally as most people will not be coming which is a good thing since he won’t remember it anyway.  I just wish that I knew it was going to be this small before I started shopping, oh well, some stuff may end up on Ebay.

My husband had the idea to create an e-mail account for Shammy, this way we can write e-mails to him as he grows up and attach pictures, etc.  Once we get off our asses and finally send the first message we plan to share the address with family so that they can do the same.

Today’s rant is moms that say that they are going to “try” breastfeeding.  It’s now what they say but how they say it, it’s as if they are already convinced that they are going to fail before baby is even born, I hear this daily at my job.  Another observation from my work is that most moms don’t understand that  just because baby cries it doesn’t mean it’s hungry, they don’t bother to eliminate other possible causes of crying (like a dirty diaper) and instead say “I don’t have enough milk, my baby is always hungry”.  I actually had a mom tell me this last week as her baby feel asleep satisfied after nursing and she was still leaking though her shirt.  ”Hey lady, your t-shirt disagrees….”

In my work a lot of moms have never seen anyone breastfeeding, don’t know how to do it, didn’t research it yet they expect it to come naturally once baby is born and then give up because it wasn’t “easy”.  This article clearly illustrates how even in the animal kingdom it takes a village and breastfeeding need to be visible.

To help improve breastfeeding visibility (and try to set a new world record) I am the local organizer of the Big Latch On.  A worldwide event aiming to set a new record for the most number of mother’s breastfeeding at the same time.  I would love it if you could attend/sponsor/donate.  Even if you’re not currently breastfeeding we need volunteers and sponsors.  It will take place on Saturday, August 6th, 2011, click on the photo to learn more.

A “July Babies” message board that I belong to recently posted a survey for mothers to answer various questions about baby’s first year.  At a glance I noticed that formula fed babies had many more sick visits to the doctor than exclusively breastfed babies so the geek in me actually sat down and analyzed the first 100 responses to the survey and came up with the following analysis:

Babies exclusively breastfed at least 6 months had 0.66 sick visits to the doctor in the first year compared to formula fed babies that had 11.67 sick visits!  This figure included premature babies that only got formula.

When I take out formula fed premature babies out of the equation (I still counted breastfed preemies), formula fed babies that were born healthy still had 3.3 sick visits in the first years.

Let me put this in clear words:  This is 5.5 times MORE ear infections, colds, diarrhea, viral infections and other illnesses than breastfed babies!

And then people wonder why I am such a breast milk advocate….

We have been having some interesting weeks lately.  We recently took Shammy to his first Pagan festival, normally we would camp but we are glad we didn’t as it was too cold for comfort.  He seems to have enjoyed it overall but did seem homesick which affected his sleep.  I have never seen him so happy to be back home.   Hopefully he will sleep better at the next camping festival in April.  He also got to experience the Renaissance Faire and loved it.

He has given me several nights where he doesn’t wake up to nurse, that has signaled my body to bring about the return of Aunt Flo, boo!  It had been over a year and didn’t miss it one bit.  After that he has decided to go back to waking up once during the night to nurse, figures!

I’m now working on a semi regular basis.  I have been fortunate enough to have found a decent client, I doubt that any company could have been as flexible as I need.  I enjoy being self employed and although I don’t make much after setting aside taxes it is better than nothing.

I do have lots of flexibility and a private space to pump while at the client’s office but since pumping time is not billable time I limit it to 1 pumping session per day. The challenge with that is that I’m not pumping enough to make up for what Shammy drinks while at grandma’s house, not because I don’t produce enough but because I need to pump a second time.  This has led to a rapid reduction of the small freezer stash that I had so we may enter a breastmilk crisis soon.  I’m proud that he has never tasted formula but admit that the idea has crossed my mind if I can’t settle into a pumping schedule that will meet the demand.  I would much rather use donor milk but I always think about preemies and adopted babies and feel that they should have priority for donated milk.

I miss him so much while I’m working though.  Thankfully I have plenty of distractions but after a few hours I can’t stop thinking of him and have to hold back tears.  Now that he has consolidated his poops to one major one during the day I even miss wiping his poopy butt.  You read right, the woman that was terrified of changing a diaper pre-baby actually misses dealing with poop.  The day that I shared this with my husband through misty eyes Shammy took pity on me and delivered a nice load of poop for me to clean, so sweet of him!

Speaking of poop, I never imagined that my hippie son would be capable of tie dye poop but that is exactly what he delivers on days when he eats different colored foods the day before, lol.

Another interesting turn of events was the death of the washing machine interrupting our cloth diaper use.  I was able to wash the already dirty diapers at Grandma’s house and had considered doing future washes at the laundromat but it was not logistically possible and would have been very expensive.  So for the time being we used disposables and you know what?  I hate them… with a passion…  can’t stand the plastic paper feel, I hate the fact that they get thrown away and couldn’t wait for a new washer so that I can go back to my beloved cloth.

It took us to weeks to find a washer that we could barely afford and I cried out of joy when I was able to use Bumgenius once again.  This passion for cloth makes me want to participate in the Great Cloth Diaper Change, an event created to host awareness for cloth diapering while setting a Guinness World Record for the largest number of cloth diapers changed at one time.

The response to this blog has got me thinking about a related book, this idea is in its infancy and it may never grow beyond a rough draft but I’m curious if this is something that anybody would find interesting.

Some women are afraid to breastfeed in public for fear of harassment. I used to be waiting for someone to dare say something but not anymore.  Maybe they can sense the “dare to say something and you’ll regret messing with mama bear” vibe that I emanate or more likely they just don’t care.

We mostly hear about bad experiences nursing in public so I want to share a sample list of places that I have been able to breastfeed in public, without a cover and nobody bothered us:

Disney’s Magic Kingdom
Downtown Disney
Renaissance Faire (with a Broward County Sheriff on duty sitting next to me)
at the entrance to the exhibition hall at the county fair
many different restaurants  (even while the server was taking our order)
various department stores
various parts of the mall
the supermarket (various aisles)
the library
various outdoor parks
while shopping at garage sales
the circus
Turnpike Service Plaza
I-95 Rest Stop
bookstore
various parking lots and more

I wonder if it’s because I don’t use an eye catching nursing cover that screams “look at me! I’m breastfeeding!”  (nothing wrong with covers if you feel you need one).

Shammy enjoys fresh air with his meal

Coming soon, adventures in chasing a mobile baby, but first!  I must babyproof.

This episode’s rants:

“The Doctors”, a TV program viewed by millions of people across the globe, has gotten out of hand, especially recently with their breach of professional conduct.  These doctors humiliate, demean, and belittle members of the public for their circumcision status.  It does not make any sense for doctors to improperly promote unnecessary surgery and the abusive treatment of minors, to satisfy their preferences.  A letter of complaint was sent to the Medical Board of California – Central Complaint Unit.

“Doctors are supposed to  treat  valid medical problems, not alter functioning healthy parts of a penis just to satisfy the customs and culture of a certain population”

I “could” get on board with justifying a Jewish doctor in a Jewish community but here we are talking about mainstream media directed to the not always very educated masses that look up to these “experts” to tell them what their opinions should be.

My other rant was inspired from the following read in one of the online parenting groups that I belong to:

“I’m glad that I didn’t pass my GD test because I got 8 ultraounds instead of 2 and got induced a week early so I got to pick the date and time and doctor.” ::SLAP!!!::  that is what I want to do when reading this.  Could this be any more selfish and ignorant?

Let’s ignore for a moment the inherent risks and dangers from many ultrasounds and from being induced, if you really wanted that you don’t have to have gestational diabetes to get it.  There is no shortage of OB’s that will happily give you as many ultrasounds as you like and prefer that you make an appoint me to “deliver” than risk being late for dinner.

I understand that a lot of people don’t see diabetes as a big deal, and for the most part it isn’t.  But do you really want to put yourself and baby’s health at risk for complications and other not so fun stuff just for convenience?

And a carryover from previous weeks is my annoyance with people’s obsessions with baby’s weight.  I’m shocked to see how many people don’t think a baby is healthy unless they’re 90+ percentile for weight.  I recently read a study that indicates that a baby in the 85 to 90 percentile is “at risk” for obesity while a baby at 95 or above is obese.  Is that the healthy start that we want to give our children?  No wonder a recent study found that 1/3 of babies are obese by 9 months.

This week has sucked on an overall sense.  Several different people told me that going to work was hard but it got better.  I was told that during the first day I would bawl, on the second day I would cry and on the third day I would be misty eyed.  The reality was that on the third day I was still bawling.

It was so horrible.  Grandma was baby sitting so I was not worried about his well being which was helpful but I was then left to focus on how much I missed him and wondering what cute things I was missing watching him do.

I missed looking into those eyes so much!

As a result of this I went from motivated top ranked  supervisor to someone that couldn’t care less about work stuff.  Last week I did the bare minimum, basically stuff to make sure that my agent’s paychecks were accurate.  If someone was eating, using a cell phone or violating dress code I would have gone into corrective action mode but instead I didn’t care.  Hubby says that I have turned into what used to be my nightmare employee, I can blame the depression from being away from my baby for that.

I will most likely be resigning my job tomorrow for a variety of reasons, I’ll know for sure when I go there tomorrow.  Because the program that I was working on ended last week, they have transferred me to be a supervisor for a different campaign but the training would be 1 month working until very late at night, something that I can’t do.  Also because I’m the last person to be transferred to that campaign I lost my seniority and will be last to pick a shift so chances are good that I would be stuck working nights after training as well.  My boss with her uber sensitive attitude essentially said that it was my fault for taking too long for maternity leave saying that this wouldn’t have happened if I had returned to work 3 weeks earlier, tough luck!

I am already looking for part time work, working full time was causing too much strain and it is best if I gradually transition into the workforce rather than having to be away from Shammy for such a long stretch of time cold turkey.  I hope that something pans out soon to minimize the financial strain that this will cause. Now I kinda regret not having kept Bandora’s Lair alive.  I’m contemplating redoing the website to offer e-mail readings again but I’m limited on what else I can offer at the moment.

I’m feeling so much better after making this decision, husband isn’t thrilled about it but he’s trying to be supportive.  I gave full time work a full week  (actually slightly less as spirit interfered with me having perfect attendance during one week) and it didn’t get easier or better at all, in some ways it actually got worse.

The pump is not the same as my baby and my body missed him just as much my heart and mind did. I am grateful that HR tried to accommodate my need for a place to pump but it was not an optimal arrangement.  I was given a man’s office, one that I didn’t know before returning to work and although he was nice about it, it was still very awkward.  Add to that the fact that even though I gave him my schedule, he would lose track of time and would disrupt my pumping session without meaning to, him and other people that came looking for him and didn’t know that I was there.  It was too stressful to pump and was tempted to get a car adapter and just go to the parking lot. Add to that the time restriction and I’m left with breasts that are not fully emptied and thus jeopardize my milk supply.

The more I think about it, my dream part time job would be to become a breastfeeding counselor for WIC.  I have met 2 of them through La Leche League and have been inspired by what they do.  Given my newfound passion for breastfeeding I have found great joy in helping friends and strangers alike with their nursing.  At the last La Leche League meeting a WIC employee that I talked to briefly commented that I should really consider becoming a counselor.  I would not be eligible for this for a few more month as I need to get more breastfeeding experience under my belt but if it’s meant to be the opportunity will present itself.

The only amusing thing about returning to work is the large number of people that would make comments such as “you’re lucky you didn’t get fat!” or “it doesn’t look like you just had a baby”, it shows how our society is so obsessed about judging people based on their physical appearance.

On non work related news, I have gotten my first flu shot in 10 years.  The things you do as a mother.  This was a though decision as I’ve had negative reactions to this vaccine in the past and I don’t like that it contains a neurotoxin and other unpleasant stuff, my doctor even told me that if I usually didn’t get it then I don’t need to have it but my concern about keeping my baby healthy won and both hubby and I got the shot this weekend.  I’d rather deal with its nastiness (I started to feel crappy within minutes) than put Shammy at risk if I get sick.

With just under a month to go Shammy’s Blessing Ceremony is in full planning mode.  Invites have gone out, but on Facebook and by mail.  I have reduced the budget for the event given the work situation but I’m still exited about it.

I have noticed that I have been using the same sleeping positions that Shammy uses, none of which I used before he was born, it’s kinda cute.

the only sleeping position that we don't share

When I thought that he was done cluster feeding… he’s started to do it again this afternoon.  I don’t mind….

Since my new life I think of tons of things to blog about but my little boss decides what my day will be spent on and he rarely approves time for me to be on the computer blogging.

I do strive to update my other blog at least once a week so I will start to cross post team fox updates to livejournal, and once I figure out how to crosspost to another wordpress blog I will do it here as well but everything takes longer now as a I have a baby to take care of and can no longer waste the day away being geeky.

I’m probably still hormonal but learning about Isaac Bonewits death has hit me harder than I anticipated.

After lots of incorrect rumors over his death in the past couple of weeks today I got the official notice of his passing this morning.

I have very fond memories of Isaac on his trips to Florida a few years ago, I had the honor of attending his workshops and having interesting metaphysical debates with him over meals on more than one occasion.

My husband credits him and Selena Fox for encouraging him to pursue me romantically after he witnessed us interacting on his last appearance at the Florida Pagan Gathering a few years ago. So I guess he deserves some credit for us being together today.

I’m glad that he is now free of pain and hope that he has a smooth transition to the summerland.